Emotionally Corrupt (Remix)

Frustration races through my veins like fire,
It corrupts my thoughts, overpowers all rational thinking,
I regress, act out, and behave like a child who doesn’t get his way,
Frustration turns into Anger,

An anger that can not and will not be directed outward,
So inward it seeks me, it belittles me, and demeans my soul,
It festers into self-destruction and tricks me into hopelessness and despair,
Into self loathing and hate

It is drowning me,
Pushing my head under the water,
I resurface and thrash about for a few gulps of air,
Back down I plunge: isolated, rejected, and damned;

I attempt to grab a moment to bring in a positive thought or two,
To pull myself out of the abyss,
I dig my nails into the wall of this mental hole and claw my way up
Up from the chasm of dejection that has consumed my childhood… my identity,

I am fighting it, but afraid…
Punching with all of my might… but shivering in fear,
I am yanking the hair from its scowling head,
I am stunned that it’s laughing at me,
And shocked to see that it is I, whom I fight,

I begin to realize that it I who sabotages my progress,
I keep myself Hostage to the anger directed inward.
I begin to comprehend, that I have a choice,
A choice NOT to let Frustration turn to anger pointed inward…

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Emotionally Corrupt

Frustration races through my viens like fire, it corrupts my thoughts, overpowers all rational thinking, I regress, act out, behave like a child who doesnt get his way, Frustration turns into Anger that can not and will not be directed outward, so inward it seeks me , it belittles me, demeans my soul, until it festers into self-destruction and tricks me into the hole of despair, self loathing, self…….hate, I am gasping for breath, for a few gulps of air, mentally, emotionally I suffocating myself, I am damned, I try squeeze a moment to interject a positive thought or two, to pull myself out of this abyss, the dark place, that swallowed my innocence, my childhood, my identity, my existence. I am Fighting it, but afraid, punching with all of my might, but shivering in fear, i am yanking the hair from its scowling head, I am stunned that its laughing at me, and shocked to see that it is I whom I fight, it is I who sabatoges my progress, I keep myself Hostage, to the anger directed inward. I start to understand, to relize, that I have a choice, a choice NOT to let Frustration turn to anger pointed inward