Sadness

I am sad today, I have been home for twenty-six days and I still have not connected with my daughter. Is she angry with me? She must be. I do not blame her, eight of her twelve years I have been gone. I was lost in my own confusion of who I was, where I came from and whom I belonged to, desperately searching for my own identity, for my father, and my purpose for being alive. I swore to myself a long time ago that I would not turn into my father, but it seems, no matter how hard I tried, I did. Even though he was not around for me when I grew up, I subconsciously became him. So I will say it here and now: Sorry baby, for not being there for your first words. I am sorry for not being there for your first steps, your first day of school. I am sorry for missing all the important things that happened in the early years of your life. I would sell my soul to get that time back. It seems too late, now that you are a teen. The only thing I can be: is there for you when you need me. I love you.

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