In the search for my childhood, I selfishly missed my daughters. Her first steps, her first words, her first day of school all of the events of a child that a father should never miss. I was to selfish chasing after my lost childhood. I could not hold on to the memory of it, the very moment I had a firm grip around it, my mental anguish would pry my fingers loose one by one until I slipped back into the abyss. Only the lingering feelings of isolation and loneliness were left and haunted me throughout my teens and my adulthood.

The ghost inside me chased me as I chased after my identity. Searching for my father, I denied my daughter hers. A Fatherless father with no clue how to be one; it took until my thirties to realize my errors in thinking, it was time for me to grow up. It is a full out war going on in my subconscious: little Joe acting out when he doesn’t get the attention he needs and big Joe losing control. It is time to stop being so selfish, and start being the father that my daughter deserves, the father that I was meant to be.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s