In the search for my childhood, I selfishly missed my daughters. Her first steps, her first words, her first day of school all of the events of a child that a father should never miss. I was to selfish chasing after my lost childhood. I could not hold on to the memory of it, the very moment I had a firm grip around it, the mental aguish would pry my fingers loose one by one until I slipped back into the abyss. Only the lingering feelings of isolation and loneliness were left and haunted me throughout my adulthood. Haunted me, as I chased after my identity. Searching for my father, I denied my daughter hers, how could I be a father if I was never taught? Time for me to grow up! I fight those feelings today, it is a full out war going on inside me. Its time for me to stop being so selfish start being the father that my daughter deserves, the father that I was ment to be.