Ballington House Blues

 

I just do not understand the reason why I am always singled out: I go to school, I earn great grades, I do what is ask of me, and still get constantly picked on by the Director of the Program [ I am currently in a residential program and in recovery] . Not one positive word, it is always clean this, do that, have Eulo GI this, paint the wall, rip up the carpet, take out the trash, always spoken to me in a disrespectful tone. I do not know if it is racial or personal, I just do not understand why I am being harassed. I get the feeling they want me to fail, this Director, never a kind word for me, Never. Not that I need any kind words from them. I just would like to be treated with respect and dignity, is that too much to ask for? It is their own rules, to treat residents with respect. They change and make up their own rules every day.

I cannot complain or make waves, they’ll take it out on me even more: shit details, GI the stove when I get back at 10:PM at night knowing I have to get up to go to school the following morning. Now they want me to get an attendance sheet filled out every day, ridiculous, never have I had to do this before. I am trying to learn a new way to live, to make choices. I do not want my professors to have to sign a stupid attendance sheet, I am mad, calm down, take a breath, and write. One more year, of this hell, one more year, if I can survive this I can survive anything. You would think that they would be happy that I was doing so well in school; you CAN NOT earn the grades I earned last semester and not be attending class.

They are nit picking, it will be forgotten about in a day or two, until the next time they find a reason to pick on me. Attempt to trap me, and send me back to the abyss. An educated man is a man who thinks with reason, not emotion. I am working on it, truly I am. Life is 90% of what happens to me and 10% of how I react to it. I think they want me to react, to get upset, to revert back to the Joe I was before I came to college: The Joe that wore his emotions on his sleeve, The Joe who exposed his buttons so they could be pushed, No that Joe is gone, I found new avenues to vent my frustrations and Anger, Just Blog it! Instead of turning the frustration into self directed Anger and depression, Just Blog it! Ha! Sorry Mrs. Director you can t push my buttons anymore, you’re the 90% and I am the 10%It is amazing.

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